somuchpun.com
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Scrogging?! EWWWW!!!!
By Caitlin Hagan
CNN Medical Associate Producer
Sexually transmitted infections are probably not what most older Americans anticipate dealing with as they age. Yet they're becoming an unfortunate reality for some in the over-45 crowd. A study published in the British Medical Journal finds that older "swingers," - the term the researchers used - are at high risk for chlamydia and gonorrhea, two of the most common sexually transmitted infections. The infection rates among older study subjects were nearly as high as in other high-risk populations, including men who have sex with men and young people.
The study authors defined swingers as "heterosexual couples who are practising mate swapping, group sex, [or who] visit sex clubs for couples." While it sounds obvious that this lifestyle puts people at higher risk for sexually transmitted infections, the concern is that because older people are not as well educated about sexually transmitted diseases as their younger partners, they don't regularly practice safe sex or get regular screenings to detect infections.
The researchers looked at data collected over a two-year period at a sexually transmitted infections clinic in the Netherlands. All patients visiting the clinic were asked directly if they were swingers. The infections rates were determined using that self-reported data from nearly 9,000 patients.
Overall, swingers had the second highest combined rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea with 10.4 percent of swingers being infected. That's compared with 14 percent of gay men, 10 percent in straight people who did not swing, and 5 percent in female prostitutes.
When the researchers specifically looked at the over-45 population, they found 55 percent of the diagnoses for chlamydia and gonorrhea occurred in swingers, versus 31 percent in gay men.
Reliable statistics for how many couples practice swinging are hard to come by. Some dating websites for American swinging couples boast memberships in the tens of millions and advocates of swinging say it's become a popular mainstream lifestyle choice for millions. The study authors hypothesize that the number of willing partners and the prevalence of unprotected sex among older individuals puts swingers at a higher risk for sexually transmitted infections. To lower the risk but continue with their lifestyle, researchers recommend swingers be tested for common infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea regularly and practice safe sex, including regular condom use.
www.cnn.com
Thursday, June 17, 2010
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT?!" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.
"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down . . ."
"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT?!" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.
"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down . . ."
"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
Monday, June 14, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
swagger
- His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser mans body.
- His blood smells like cologne.
- He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetised it.
- He almost broke the land speed record in 1977, popular opinion among his team was that is beard caused to much wind resistance. He would have shaved it... No, no he wouldn't have.
- He was the featured man at a bachelorette auction he brought in over 13 million euro, under the table.
- His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
- Even his enemy's list him as there emergency contact.
- He never say's anything taste like chicken... Not even chicken.
- He speeks fluent French, in Russian.
- His charm is so contagious, vaccines we're created for it.
- Years ago, he created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.
- He is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test.
- Every time he goes for a swim. Dolphins appear.
- Alien abductors have asked him, to probe them.
- If he we're to give you directions... You would never get lost. And you'd arive at least 5 minutes early.
- His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.
- His reputation is expanding, faster then the universe.
- He once had an akward moment, just to see how it feels.
- If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
- The pheromones he secretes effect people miles away... in a slight, but measurable way.
- He once punched a magician. That's right, you heard me.
- His hands feel like rich, brown swede.
- He lived in the hills of the Serengeti for a summer after being gifted a wife by a local tribes men.
- He owns 4 sports cars, and rents 5.
- Even his enemies have him listed as their emergency contact number.
- His blood smells like cologne.
- He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetised it.
- He almost broke the land speed record in 1977, popular opinion among his team was that is beard caused to much wind resistance. He would have shaved it... No, no he wouldn't have.
- He was the featured man at a bachelorette auction he brought in over 13 million euro, under the table.
- His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.
- Even his enemy's list him as there emergency contact.
- He never say's anything taste like chicken... Not even chicken.
- He speeks fluent French, in Russian.
- His charm is so contagious, vaccines we're created for it.
- Years ago, he created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.
- He is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test.
- Every time he goes for a swim. Dolphins appear.
- Alien abductors have asked him, to probe them.
- If he we're to give you directions... You would never get lost. And you'd arive at least 5 minutes early.
- His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.
- His reputation is expanding, faster then the universe.
- He once had an akward moment, just to see how it feels.
- If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
- The pheromones he secretes effect people miles away... in a slight, but measurable way.
- He once punched a magician. That's right, you heard me.
- His hands feel like rich, brown swede.
- He lived in the hills of the Serengeti for a summer after being gifted a wife by a local tribes men.
- He owns 4 sports cars, and rents 5.
- Even his enemies have him listed as their emergency contact number.
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