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Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was badly broken anyway.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
gawsh
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
see more Poorly Dressed
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
New Year Resolutions You Can Keep
* Spend more time watching TV/movies.
* Chat more over the internet.
* Read less.
* Put on at least 30 pounds.
* Stop exercising. Waste of time.
* Procrastinate more.
* Drink. Drink some more.
* Start being superstitious.
* Spend more time at work. Get less done.
* Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
* Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!
Thx Misscellania!
* Chat more over the internet.
* Read less.
* Put on at least 30 pounds.
* Stop exercising. Waste of time.
* Procrastinate more.
* Drink. Drink some more.
* Start being superstitious.
* Spend more time at work. Get less done.
* Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
* Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!
Thx Misscellania!
Rt 119
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back
- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I
was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...Twenty two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
Saturday, January 1, 2011
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